3 weeks!

It's crazy...I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks since I had Mason, but at the same time it feels like he's been here forever. Everything has been so different with this delivery/recovery than with Addison. For starters, I gained about 35 pounds with Addy and it took almost a year to lose it all. With Mason, I gained 12 and lost 8 when he was born..so within the first 2 weeks I was back to what I was when I got pregnant with him. I am SOOO happy because now I can finally work on toning up and getting to where I was when we were dating. The problem is, the first week after I had Mason I felt amazing...so I started going on walks and in general just doing way too much because I felt fine. I crashed the second week...my body ached all over, I was dizzy when I was up walking around...I was extremely emotional and just exhausted. So I learned my lesson, when they say to take it easy - do it!! But when it's your second it is so hard...there's so much to do and both kids want your attention all the time. This alone has made me extremely emotional..which I didn't get with Addy. I'll start crying at random times about not being able to fulfill all my "mother/wife duties" that I see all these other mothers doing just fine. Chris will ask what is wrong and I bitterly say that I'm hormonal and then I cry that I am hormonal because I hate feeling this way. I hate not being showered and hair and makeup and ready for the day in the morning.... I hate that by the time I finish laundry, there's more piles ready to start because it took me a week to finish it.....I hate that even though I've made a menu for the month, Chris will come home and I haven't even thought about getting dinner ready, and then I'm stressing about finding something quick to make....I hate that I'll feel like I've been picking up and cleaning all day, but at bedtime the house still looks like tornado came through. I just haven't figured out a schedule that allows me to get the sleep I need and still be the mother these two need and the wife that Chris needs. I know it will come with time as Mason starts sleeping through the night..but right now I just feel so inadequate and it's driving me crazy.

On a happier note... Chris is the most amazing husband ever. He has stepped up so much and taken over things that I should be doing, plus working two jobs and being at his Young Men activities for church. I am so grateful beyond words for all his help and support. He'll take the kids out of the house to let me get naps, clean the house, give Mason bottles, and quietly make food to eat without asking me what's for dinner:) Him and Addy have bonded so much the past few weeks and it's so cute to see her with him getting the attention she used to get from me 24/7. I am so blessed to have him as my husband forever and can't express enough how much I love him and what an amazing father he is.

Addison has also stepped up so much since Mason coming home. We were so worried about how she would handle the attention split, but she's been the opposite..it's like she's 2 going on 20! She has become Mason's little protector and when he cries she's always asking if he's okay..or she'll pat him and say,"it's okay big guy," or "it's okay buddy." It's so precious! She loves to go get diapers and his clothes when he's getting changed and loves to have us lay him on her lap. Other than that she'll just leave him alone and run around entertaining herself. She's learned when he's eating to come sit next to me instead of me holding her and we'll read books or whatever she wanted. It's been amazing to watch her mature so much in the past few weeks...she's speaking sentences more, and she'll come up and give us hugs and kisses more than ever. She has her break downs and tantrums for sure that come with her age - which don't get me started on what that's like when Mason is crying at the same time or if I'm nursing and can't do anything. But for the most part, she has made the transition so much easier on us.

Even though it's been an adjustment, I am SOOOO grateful for my little family. I love being a mother more than anything. Nothing makes me happier than to watch Mason stare up at me when I'm talking to him..or to have Addy run up to me and give me a huge hug and say "love you mommy," or to watch Chris throwing Addy up in the air and to see him cuddling with Mason giving him a bottle. In these moments, the laundry and dirty house don't matter. I know it will get easier as Mason sleeps more and I have more energy. For now, I'm still in survival mode:)

I've had a hard time getting enough milk in to keep this hungry boy happy. So we supplement with bottles of formula about half the time. I love it because Chris gets to feed him as well and it gives me a break.


3 weeks