Humbled

On the 10th, I was sitting out on the sidewalk with my friend Holly that lives below us..just watching the kids run around. I stood up to go inside, and I got a sharp pain in my back. I passed it off as just a regular back pain and went up the stairs. By the time I got inside I couldn't stand anymore and fell on my knees. I tried laying down and popping my back, but that didn't help. I tried to stand and walk it off, but I literally had to hold onto the furniture to walk anywhere. Mason was crying and I had to get him out of his crib, I almost dropped him because it hurt so bad. I finally called my mom and she left work to come pick up Addy. I was having to crawl at this point to get anywhere. I made an appointment with the Chiropractor and then layed on the couch with Mason until it was time to leave. I was told I pulled a disc in my lower back and it was extremely inflamed in between discs. I had to go back in 2 hours later because it wasn't feeling any better after icing it and taking anti-inflammatory medication. He adjusted me again and said the inflammation just needs time to go down. Everyone kept saying you have to take it easy and stay down and do no lifting...which would have been fine 3 years ago when I had no kids.

I can't really explain what it was like, when Mason was crying and he wasn't more than a couple feet away from me, but I couldn't move to pick him up and comfort him. It was such a horrible feeling...I felt so helpless. As a mother, you take pride in being able to take care of your children and knowing how to help them and comfort them... that's what we do 24/7. So when I was lying there helpless with Addy trying to crawl all over me and Mason lying there screaming - I just lost it. I prayed and prayed that there would be a solution and that I wouldn't have to deal with this for very long. I was completely reliant on others for help, which I hate. I hate that I had to pull my mom away from work and that the rest of her day was spent helping me walk and carrying my kids around and putting them down for naps etc. I hate that at the cabin I couldn't run around and play with Addy and that Chris's mom was always holding Mason for me, when she could have been relaxing and having fun. It's just such a hard thing to swallow your pride and let others take over sometimes. It has been a really humbling week - and I am more grateful than ever right now for health and strength and for family that is always ready to help at any time. My back feels a lot better, but it still hurts to bend over and pick things up. I am still praying that it will heal completely and that I won't have chronic back pain.

I don't know why this happened, but I know that it's important in life for us to be humbled to this point at different times in our lives where we are completely reliant on others and our Savior for help. It's important for us to be able to accept help and to allow others to serve and be blessed for it. I know that I had taken my health for granted and was used to doing everything on my own. I am more aware of things to be grateful for....like being able to pick up my children and roll around and play with them. Being able to exercise and doing housework. These are things that so many aren't able to do on a daily basis and I had completely taken them for granted. I know that my Savior has felt these pains both physical and emotional...and through Him I can find strength and be healed and be forgiven for my pride. I am grateful for an amazing and worthy husband who is always able to give me blessings at any time and leave work to come help in these situations. I'm grateful for family close by who are always ready to help. I'm grateful for my beautiful, sweet children that fill me up with so much joy each day. I'm grateful for a Father in Heaven that is always aware of what we are going through and is waiting for us to come to Him at all times. I know He lives. I know He loves us. I know that we can always find comfort in Him.