Chris' Story

Hello.  I am Chris.  I have felt inspired to start blogging for a few months now and I am finally giving in to the prompting.  You see, some of the things that I have felt prompted to write about are quite personal.  I've wondered if sharing these things with people outside of my family and my close friends might be inappropriate or at least uncommon.  Nonetheless, because of the potential to do much good, I will write.  I am starting out as a guest writer on our family blog since Mindy has done 99% of the writing here.  My hope is that I will find that this is a good place to write or that I will be able to start a  separate blog and perhaps have a few people who are following this one check out a separate one as well.

 There are a couple of issues that I am going to address specifically here that are extremely prevalent and detrimental to our progress as children of God.  The first is mental illness.  I believe that mental illness is one of the greatest challenges facing people today.  If that is a surprise to you, it's probably because the people around you who are suffering from it are suffering in silence.  It has become a little bit more accepted in society and in general people understand that it's an issue.  In the olden days it was not discussed openly and those who had a mental illness were labeled as "crazy" or "a basket case."  There are many resources out there for people who wish to learn more on depression and anxiety.  Remember though, don't get too caught up in researching because it can be depressing. ( :

The second issue that I will write about is the attack on marriage and the family.  I'm not going to address the battle to protect the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman.  Although,  that is a battle worth fighting and I believe that we should stand up for it and elect those who are willing to preserve it.  My focus on this blog however is going to be on Satan's attempt to tear apart marriages and families.  I believe that without a strong family that is united in their desire to serve God, it will be very difficult to withstand the evils that are around us in these last days.  I hope that some of the things that I write will uplift and inspire and I know that every righteous effort that we make will be worth it in this life and in the life to come. 

So with that, let me share with you my story.  One of my struggles is that I am a very analytical person and I have a tendency to ramble on.  I will try to keep these posts as concise as I can.  Please bare with me.  I grew up in Idaho Falls, ID and was born into a devout LDS family.  I have three older brothers and one older sister.  My family has always been most precious to me.  I looked up to all of them growing up and I wanted to be as good at sports as my brothers and I wanted to be a kind peace maker like my sister.  I was like most other kids until the age of twelve when everything changed.  That's when I started to have severe depression and anxiety.  My anxiety caused me to develop obsessive compulsive disorder.  I was very scared and confused.  My family has always been very caring and understanding of this and they have gotten me through many rough times.  My mother has spent countless hours listening to me talk about what goes on in my head.  I know that I was placed into this family because without them, I'd be an absolute mess. 

My condition waxed and waned throughout my adolescent years and I did everything I could to get by in junior high and high school.  I often rebelled in those years, searching for ways to escape what I was experiencing.  Many times, I looked in the wrong places.  I have had a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ since I can remember and my rebellion was not for lack of belief in what I was taught as a child.  I also knew the importance of repentance and allowing the Savior's Atonement to work in my life and I repented often.  When I reached the age of nineteen because of repentance and the testimony that I had developed, I wanted to serve a mission.  I decided not to include my struggles with depression and O.C.D because I wanted to be sent wherever the Lord would have me go.  I thought if the Brethren knew that I had O.C.D that I may be limited on where I could go or may not be sent at all.  I have since learned that I was very naive in my thinking.  I was called to serve in Alabama. Despite my efforts and the prayers of many, I was honorably released after only four months.  Missions are hard enough for people who are stable but I learned that for someone who is unstable they are especially difficult.  I hadn't taken any medication or anything for my condition up until this point and this is when I was put on medication.  I have taken Fluvoxamine which is the generic form of Luvox for 11 years now.  I can honestly say that I have only felt chemically level for maybe 18 months to 2 years of that time.  I'm not saying that it hasn't helped at all, but I honestly wish that I would have never started taking it.  I am completely dependent on my pills and I feel like medication will never fix my condition.  The 18 months to 2 years that I felt level were followed by 7 years of hell.  There is really no other way to put it. 

The last 7 years of my life have been the most challenging and the most rewarding.  Just after I met Mindy and started to date her 7 years ago, I started to have severe O.C.D again except this time I also experienced panic attacks and the most severe anxiety I had ever had.  Mindy and I dated for 18 or so months before getting engaged and she spent most of that time taking care of me.  I was a complete wreck.  The fear and anxiety that I felt then are hard to describe in words.  Looking back on that time, I believe that she was an angel sent to help me get through the hardest time of my life.  I'm so thankful that she is my wife, but I'm also thankful that she is my angel too.  ( :  From the very beginning of our relationship, this trial threatened to prevent us from being together.  Mindy will tell you that the only way that she was able to get through those times is because she felt early on that we were supposed to be together.  I am thankful to Heavenly Father that He gave her that answer and that she stuck with me.  Our engagement was very difficult and I almost called it off.  I am so glad that the Savior gave me the strength and the faith to see this through and although my O.C.D and my anxiety have not gotten better, I have been given the strength to get through very rough times.  I better sum this up and I will share what I have learned because of this trial in future posts.  I hope that I can help someone who is struggling with any type of challenge because we are all given challenges.  I will end this post by saying that no matter what you struggle with, there is someone who understands your struggle perfectly.  Jesus Christ has felt everything that I have felt and that gives me hope.  I know that as I strive to develop a personal relationship with Him that He will show me how to become whole.  I also know that there are reasons that I have been given this challenge.  In due time, I will be shown those reasons.  I hope with all of my heart that I will find relief from this burden in this life, but if I don't I still have to move forward with faith in Him who knows me perfectly.