Marriage and Family (Chris)

There is an all out attack on marriage and the family.  It's clear that the adversary wants to destroy as many families as possible.  Since we know that this is the case, it is important that we do everything that we can to strengthen our marriage and family.  There is nothing more important than the work we do in our own homes.  That starts with our marriage.  Elaine S. Dalton gave a talk in the October 2011 General Conference entitled "Love Her Mother." She says, "The most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her] mother.”1 By the way you love her mother, you will teach your daughter about tenderness, loyalty, respect, compassion, and devotion. She will learn from your example what to expect from young men and what qualities to seek in a future spouse. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. Your example will teach your daughter to value womanhood. You are showing her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, who loves her."  This talk had a profound impact on me.  I am far from perfect in so many ways and this is something that I am working on.  I want my two daughters and my son to have that happiness and peace that comes from seeing that  Daddy loves Mommy and it shows in the way that he treats her. 

Recently our Stake High-Councilman has been teaching a class on strengthening marriage.  The response from it has been so good that he was invited to teach the 5th Sunday lesson combined meeting last month.  He is a former counselor and an amazing man. His lesson was so good and here are a few notes that I took from it:

1. Your spouse comes before your kids.  He wasn't suggesting that when I come home from a long day at work and the kids are hungry for dinner and diapers need changed, that Mindy and I sit down on the couch for cuttle time.  It is possible to put your marriage # 1 on the priority list remembering to keep the Lord at the top of the "marriage triangle", without neglecting your children. 

2. Pray with and for your spouse at least once a day.  He had a cool system for remembering whose turn it is that Mindy and I have adopted.  He prays on odd dates and she prays on even dates. 

3. Date your spouse. 

4. Realize what happens physiologically when you are upset.  There is a physical change in us when we are mad.  Some people need to walk away and some people need to talk it out.  Make sure that there is a compromise.  Perhaps you could go on a walk after you've both calmed down.  Don't go to bed mad at each other.

5.  Set aside 10 minutes a day where you alternate talking about your day for 5 minutes while the other one sits and listens attentively without interrupting.  It's okay to nod your head, smile and laugh. ( :

6. Try and find out new things about your spouse.  It's amazing how many new things that you can learn.

7. Share one minute of eye contact per day.  Be the first to say "I'm sorry" and say "I love you" often.

These are just some of the wonderful things that he taught us that Sunday.  I know that as we try and implement these things into our marriages that we will see them strengthened and we'll be happier people.